man standing and walking going on boxing ring surrounded with people — Photo by Attentie Attentie on Unsplash

Mental illness sucks. I will be honest, before my bout with OCD, I thought mental illness was something that you could get over easily by staying busy, or going to a movie. I learned real quick that is not the case. You have to stand up and fight for yourself. No one can do the hard work for you.

Having a mental illness is fairly common. It is also a group of illnesses that is often overlooked, or frowned upon, like the sufferer is some kind of monster. This is not the case. Sufferers of these conditions are the strongest people I know. Sometimes, we just need a push in the right direction.

I had many moments of despair during my journey with mental illness. It scared me to death, though. I didn’t want to leave my wife and child alone in this world, but my Harm OCD was so relentless that I couldn’t stand myself thinking these thoughts. I felt like a terrible father and husband. Feeling like a monster was a permanent state of mind for me. Part of this depression was also because I did not have a proper diagnosis.

Once I was diagnosed with OCD, I knew I had to fight it. There were tools at my disposal now. It wasn’t some mystery that I was randomly thinking violent thoughts about my kid. This began the very hard, but life-changing work. I committed to the therapy required to get better.

Exposure Response Therapy did not come cheap, monetarily, or mentally. This affected my wife and I. We struggled to pay the therapy bills because insurance would not cover it. Some ERP exercises were so awful that they horrified my wife and I. It was a brutal couple of months but I fought for it and eventually, saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

My message to you is, if you have a mental illness, do what you can to fight it. Having support from someone else is excellent, but it is ultimately on you to commit, struggle, and destroy it. I had moments of hopelessness, but I was able to overcome it by sheer strength and the will to get better. You can do it, set your mind to hyper-focus on your end goal and push as hard as you can for it.

The Mind of Russ

Fight for Yourself